Mottos of the Warhammer 40,000 Universe
by Pawnofhearts
Summary: These are just sayings for the Universe I made up/found. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Mottos of the War 40k Universe

This is just a whole lot of sayings I made up/found for the Warhammer Universe. They are not real sayings, so no disclaimers.

**THE NECRONS: **

Our most basic gun can kill your most advanced tank. In one shot. This is fair, right, and legal.

We kill all life because our guilt complexes are stored in our guns.

Roger, Roger.

**THE IMPERIAL GUARD: **

Commissars: At the front it's scary. At the back it's scarier.

Baneblade: This is a house-sized mass of fuck-you and its coming straight for you, yeah?

Titans: You will cease to exist in exactly 3.4 seconds.

Our mindless attrition means our turns take three times longer than yours.

We are legion!

**THE SPACE MARINES:**

Holy SH-

Lightning claws: 8 reasons why you are going to have a very, very bad day.

You know why we don't have heavy tanks? It's called a drop pod. DUCK!

**THE ELDAR:**

We are the oldest race, our race is divided and we are doomed to extinction, but we're still the COOLEST FIGHTERS IN THE FRIGGIN GALAXY.

Yes, I'm psychic. Did you want to ask me something? Am I psychic? Yes.

Banshees: ultimate feminism!

Farseer: the ultimate proof that witch-burning didn't work 38,000 years ago and won't now.

**WITCH-HUNTERS:**

Burn, baby, Burn!

Are you a pyromaniac? Aunt Saint Celestine the Blessed of the Emperor wants YOU.

**DEAMONHUNTERS:**

When sheer awesomeness just isn't enough.

Exterminatus: When in doubt, destroy the planet. And maybe a few of the others around here, just to be sure.

Look, so many different assassinations to choose from!

Understatement is perfection.

Don't worry, it's just a minor incursion; only three billion guardsmen, three space marine companies and two titans have been lost.

**TAU:**

All those big guns count for nothing in close combat? It doesn't seem to have occurred to anyone that all we have to do is shoot you with this plasma gun.

We love Chairman Mau.

Kroot: cannibal meatshields.

**ORKS, NOT ORCS!!!**

WHO WAS THIS TORL-KEEN GIT, ANYWAYS?

**TYRANIDS:**

This is what happened to the cockroach that was dumped into space…

**CHAOS:**

Khorne: When the world just sucks, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!  
Nurgle: The public toilet made sentient.

We are Legion! (again)

Sanity is for the Weak! (plagiarised from Dawn of War)

Death to the False Emperor! ... except that he's dead already, so ummmm… Biscuits!

Tell me if you want another chapter!

PS:

R&R. Walk softly and carry a big gun.


	2. Chapter 2

**More Mottos**

**Tyranids:**

We are the Borg. Your Technological and Biological mass will be assimilated and added to the collective. Resistance is futile.

**Imperial Guard:**

The pay is lousy, the battles are hard, and you'll never see home again except in a body bag. But, hey, they DID give you a laser gun.

Flak armor: because protection is for cowards.

CHAAAARRRRRGE! ATTAAACK! We can't let the space marines take all the credit this time!

**The Emperor:**

Because 500,000,000,000,000,000 screaming fanatics can't be wrong.

**Cities of Death: **where guardsmen get the saves of marines.

**Inquisition:**

In accordance with the ancient practice of overdoing everything, I shall now declare exterminatus upon this dead gretchin.

Peace. Through superior firepower.

**Imperial Assassins:**

We shot the sheriff, and the deputy, and the sheriff's dog and mercilessly butchered three heretic coffee machines.

**Space Marines:**

Why is it that there are probably over three hundred thousand members of the Ultramarines 2nd company worldwide?

Banned from all sporting competitions for using artificial stimulants.

Consider the Predator. The Armor of Contempt. The Tracks of Obedience. The Guns of Vengeance. But, even so, it sucks compared to a Land Raider.

Terminator Armor: ability to move not included.

**Eldar:**

Harlequins: this is not a funny clown.

We are the end of the rainbow.

**Orks:**

Because designers need a side that can dance naked in the rain. With a big axe.

Orks are fungi. Therefore mushrooms are going to mutate into violent monsters after all. In your face, sanity, rationality and reason.

**Chaos:**

Because the Emperor is a bitch.

Order is so _boring._

Bribery works. We are proof.

**Tau:**

Yes, we suck in close combat. It's a pity you'll never get there.

We are the only race who believes that in 38,000 years people should have stopped punching and started shooting. Or that tactical nuking is an excellent strategy.

**Exterminatus:**

When mindless attrition, nukes, and low orbit strikes fail.

The final solution is always the most entertaining.

**Warhammer 40,000**

More disposable income than you since 1983.

Face it- NOTHING you do in real life will EVER be this cool.


	3. Chapter 3 Random Thoughts

**THE RANDOM THOUGHTS CHAPTER:**

This is a chapter for all of those things I think about the Warhammer Universe which don't slot in anywhere, or I can't be bothered to classify _et hoc genus omne_.

Crap! Even in the future nothing works!

Lasgun, Multilaser, Lascannon. What comes next? A laspointer for those tricky tactical slideshows?

How did the Emperor NOT see the Horus Heresy coming? I mean, anyone with any sense of narrative convenience knows that the hero's most trusted ally ALWAYS turns bad. Seriously.

Land Raider: The chartered accountant of the tabletop game. It is worth about half the points it costs. And does the damage of about a quarter.

Space Marines are about three hundred times worse in the tabletop game than in the Black Library; Imperial Guards are about three hundred times better.

In the Dawn of War series, chaplains can cause their enemy to run in terror by yelling at them. Would this work with, say, a lawyer?

When the new Deamonhunters codex comes out, YOU ARE ALL GOING TO BE ANNIHILATED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Is it only me who think that all witchhunters are pyromaniacs? Join the inquisition! Get a flamethrower! Burn innocents! Perfect for disagreeable young ladies!

The Imperium has the social structure of a twelfth century feudal system and the technology to make it work. Not well, but work anyhow.

Why is it that close combat is still integral to warfare? Can't everybody continuously nuke everybody else? No, really. The Tau are the only people who have it half right. The imperium can afford to orbital strike people continuously, yet what is the first reaction of most commanders? Let's send in the infantry and waste even more lives. Just tactically blow them to pieces will you? As far as blowing people into pieces can be called tactics. AAAARRG!


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Okay… this is probably going to be the last chapter because my imagination is about to run dry. Sorry.

This is from V0id Drag0n:

Orks: "WAGH!": warcry, not to be confused with "waa-AH!" in terror or "wagh?" in confusion or "wagh-hoo!" in delight or... you get the point right?

And this is from Mad Gunner:

Eldar: I have socks older than YOUR ENTIRE RACE.

Once upon a time, everybody lived in peace and harmony and in brotherly-or sisterly- love. Then, in AD 1983, Games Workshop was founded.

We are the Imperial Guard! It is said that we expend men just like other commanders expend ammo. Pah! This is untrue. Most commanders are A LOT more careful with their ammo.

Theocratic oligarchies actually work in the year 40,000.

"The enemy is well armed and well equipped; they believe they have the gods on their side. Let them believe; we have the tanks on ours."

Inquisitor Josephus Rex has this to say about the laws of the Imperium: "The rules. They may be stupid, arbitrary and irritating, BUT THE EMPEROR HELP YOU IF YOU BREAK THEM. In addition, speed limits on all civilized worlds will now be enforced by orbital strike cruisers."

Plan B: If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.


End file.
